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The Only Fight We Fight is the One Inside Ourselves

Updated: Mar 9

We tend to focus on the outside world to give us happiness, inner peace, and love.  However, time and again, that outer world falls short because nothing outside us can give what our hearts really need.  We keep fighting other people, their behaviors, and external situations which are not in our control.  When we begin the journey toward true peace, we recognize that the fight was never with the outside world, it was always inside ourselves.  Every experience of pain and suffering was meant to bring our attention to our inner world, but many of us want to continue to blame and fight the outer world, and the pain never stops. We become easily lost in the dark and critical thoughts of our mind, and we forget that our true refuge is inside our hearts.

While I practice yoga, meditation, journaling, guided imagery, and I invite my whole being to connect with my heart, I can feel deep inner peace, calm, and confidence.  Trust begins to come to the surface. I have learned to go within when I notice that the outside world is creating fear or other negative emotions. And I stay connected with my heart until those negative feelings subside.  Then, I can respond to what is going on in the outside world.

In her book Heart Minded: How to Hold Yourself and Others in Love, Sarah Blondin says:

“What we are lonely for, what we are longing to know, is our own loving.  We are longing to become heart minded –to override the busy mind and its instinct to protect, so we can feel and experience, bloom and thrive, rest and receive.”

Blondin also says that we have a “sacred choice” between believing that the outer world is responsible for our feelings or that we are. In essence, she is arguing that our deepest human need– which is our own loving– is under our control.  The love from the outer world is not within our control.  This is the true meaning of life: to learn to love ourselves at a deeper level.

They say that man’s longest journey is only 18 inches long, from the head to the heart.  The fight stops completely once we have connected deeply with our hearts, but sometimes it can take a lifetime. No one can truly meet the needs of our heart but us. We often make this a long journey because we are expecting the outer world to do it for us.

I have been in this journey to stop the fight for many years.  The longer I stay on the journey the simpler and easier it becomes.  Just surrender, be still, guidance is coming my way, I say to myself.  We have within ourselves an endless source of unconditional love that will come to the surface once we allow it to come forward.

We seem to go from one challenge, or struggle, to another, it is called life.  Each challenge is an opportunity to get closer to the heart and to find inner peace and to not get lost in the endless sea of thoughts in our head.  We can begin this journey toward loving ourselves exactly where we are.  We can begin in the middle of our suffering and our struggles by holding the pain with loving kindness and compassion and without trying to fix it.  You will be led with gentleness out of your sorrow when the time is right.  Create a discipline around how you respond to the suffering or challenges you encounter.  The more I hold my reactivity and trust that everything has a course in life and  I allow the flow I find my way out effortlessly.  The less resistance I create by trying to control and fix situations, the easier the right outcome flows into the situation.  We need to stop looking for validation from the outside world and find it within our own hearts.

You deserve to live a life that is filled with love, joy, inner peace, abundance, and this is all within your control. But first you must make that “sacred choice.” What would you choose?

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